Friday, September 09, 2005
Me and Martha
So I basically drove around Waco for hour with Adam trying to find this woman who was going to do my hair. On our way there, we got lost, ran over a huge piece of glass in the middle of the road, and then she reschedled for next Thursday. Booo!

Bought my ticket for the Football game. WhooooOoooo! Go Bears! WhoooooooOoooOoo!

This morning i completely and utterly woke up at 5:15 in order to go feed the homeless with my small group (GREEN NUMBA 5 BABY), and we got there and I had a feeling that they thought we were bringing food. It could have been the way the leader of it, who is also a faculty member of Baylor, was like, "Oh, ya'll brought food? Awesome!" and then we she found out we didn't, she was like, "Oh....I thought maybe we would have extra food this morning.. Chhh." You know that noise that people subconsiously make sometimes. But it was alright, we just visited with the people, but there wis this Hispanic guy who was hitting on the girls, and I sort of followed him around whenever he was near the girls, and he would stare at their backsides as they waled away, so as he watched them, I would watch him, and then he would look up and feel shamed.

Now for another one of my great tangents.

The females at Baylor seem to think that they can walk around in whatever they feel like. They just flit around campus in little booty shorts and tank tops, that are two sizes too small. This sort of thing makes me angry, because I know these are the same girls who, if someone ever made a comment about it, would be all, "Why would you ever say that?!?!?! You PERV!" Well, don;t walk around in clothes cut to where I can see your booty cheeks (not even an exaggeration - I saw a girl at lunch walking around in something most people would probably not even wear to bed.) if you don't want anybody to look. Its stank and inconsiderate.

So this heifer Martha Stewart has her own talk show now. Dang! Everybody got a talkshow. I need a talkshow. Somebody give me a dadgum talkshow. Why do you get talksows for doing bad things. Nobody gives me a talkshow and I'm like the poster child for goodness. Better yet, I'll team up with Martha to produce "D&M" a lighthearted show about a white woman who was in jail and a young black man who, statistically speaking, should be in jail. Here's how it'll be:

Martha: How's everyone doing out there! (cheers and applause) I'm Martha! (more cheers) I am white! (more cheering) And rich! (whoops and hollers from the audience) And I've been in jail! (the audience cheers and she even gets some fist pumping and raiseing of the roof) And here's my cohost! DeAndre'!

DeAndre': Hello everyone! (audience looks at him) Umm...I'm black? (audience hisses and boos) Ummm.....I'm really not that rich...(I woman stands up and yells, "Oh no he DIDN'T", and the crowd gives her applause) Umm...I haven't been in jail...but I go to Baylor University. (this is the last straw. A random audience member picks up a chair and breaks it behind DeAndre's back. He falls to the ground. A melee occurs.)

Martha: On today's show, we'll be making bird feeders out of recycled toliet paper!...

DeAndre': (being beaten) Um, Marth - (and irate woman is beating him with a folding chair)

Martha: ...right after this commercial break!

(The camera pans out on the crowd as the theme song, "Ebony and Ivory" by Stevie Wonder and a RWG* plays. Martha is still smiling. The brawl is still in progress. Cut to a LAYS commercial.)

Seriously though, Martha goes to prison and gets a Talk Show...thats not fair..I am so much more interesting than that hag Martha.

*Random White Guy
posted by DeAndre' @ 1:12 PM  
0 Put ya thang down flip it and reverse it:
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Name: DeAndre'
Home: Waco, Texas, United States
Who Am I?: This one time I decided that everything in my life would be in musical form. ANd everyone would automatically know the words and the choreography and sing on key. You see how well that turned out.
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