Unfresh.

Friday, September 02, 2005
TOO FUNNY!
This is from a blog I recently started reading, and you should too...it is so hilarious. http://www.greghoward.net/

Al that Jas.

My friends gave me a belated birthday present: tickets for all of us to go to Disneyland. I love Disneyland. I got very excited and surfed the park’s web page to see if anything unusual was going on. They have listed, as part of their special attractions, the ability to “meet Aladdin and Jasmine.”

I began to reflect that I’d never let my kids meet Aladdin and Jasmine. I figure they’d be extremely bitter at this stage in their careers. Think of it as though you were reading a “Whatever Happened To” article in a newspaper’s entertainment section:

No Longer a ‘Whole New World’ for Old Disney Stars

In the “Meet and Greet” section of the Disneyland theme park, the mood is festive, even magical--that is, until an overanxious parent sneaks out an unauthorized camera and takes a shot of Aladdin and Jasmine.

“Pictures cost 45 dollars!” Jasmine snaps. “With autograph, 60 dollars!”

Then she remembers herself, and her dark expression turns to smiles. “But hugs are free!”

Still, her good cheer is seems tested when a rotund child, the size and shape of a miniature Matterhorn, leaps on her lap. She winces noticeably.

Aladdin seems inclined to apologize for his colleague’s mood. “Jas and I have to charge for pictures,” he tells me. “The theme park only gives us minimum wage to do these meet and greets, and it’s not enough to float the rent.”

But aren’t they still flush with cash following their massively successful movie--plus all the direct-to-video sequels?

The question causes obvious discomfort. Both Aladdin and Jasmine fidget. Finally, Aladdin ventures: “Look at the sequels more closely. The characters’ movements are much more jerky, and they don’t even really look like us. We weren’t in those movies. They asked us, but we turned them down and they re-cast us with different actors.”

“We figured we were too big for direct-to-video at that point in our careers,” Jasmine sighs. “We should have taken the work when it was offered to us.”

There lies the irony. Over ten years after the massive worldwide success of Aladdin, the two key actors from the film--if you don’t count Robin Williams’s memorable work as the Genie--are struggling to make ends meet. Aladdin himself primarily makes a living doing direct-to-video work in forgettable schlock films such as Monday Bloody Monday and Killed by Death.

“My appearance has actually been helpful lately,” Aladdin explains. “Everyone wants Arab-looking bad guys for their terrorist action plots, so I’ve been doing time in B-movie land.”

He even filmed a bit part as a bad guy on a recent episode of 24, but his scenes were left on the cutting room floor.

“I think that show prefers their Arabs to look more evil,” Aladdin muses. “I’m more like a brown Tom Cruise.”

He’s quick to point out, “But I’ve also done some family-friendly Hallmark channel original movies: My Friend the Genie, Return of my Friend the Genie, and A Genie for All Seasons. If you look at the total body of my work, I think you’ll see that I’ve avoided being typecast.”

Aladdin’s career also wasn’t helped by his high-profile battle with drugs: he checked into the Betty Ford clinic after becoming addicted to inhaling flavored smoke from Hookahs. The actor’s G-rated image was permanently tarnished, even after appearing in a series of public service ads with the famous tag line, “Don’t Get Hooked on Hookahs.” He attempted to explain his side of the story with a tell-all memoir, You Can Call Me Al, but it quickly ended up in the half price book bin.

Jasmine hasn’t fared much better. The project which received the most public notice was an eye-opening spread in Maxim magazine for men, which many claim was a deliberate attempt to change her squeaky-clean Disney persona.

“I did think of Maxim as an opportunity,” Jasmine admits. “I wanted to show people that I’m comfortable with my sexuality. People just remember me from that last scene in Aladdin where I’m chained up in a harem outfit. The Maxim pictorial proved I can be so much more than that.”

Jasmine will also be starring in a reality show called The Animated Life, featuring fellow one-hit Disney heroines Ariel, Belle, and Pocahontas.

“Oh, that will be so much fun,” Jasmine says, warming to the topic. “We’ll all be together in an enchanted castle, competing for princes and throwing keggers. It’ll be completely unscripted--well, except for a few songs. The producers are making us do some because the audience will expect it.”

Wait a minute--Belle competing for princes? So the rumors about her are wrong and she does, in fact, like men?

“Oh for heaven’s sake.” Sounding exasperated, Jasmine is obviously tired of fielding questions about the Beauty and the Beast star. “Look. I’ll tell you what I tell every reporter who asks me about this. Belle is my friend, and I’m not going to comment on her sexuality in any way, shape, or form.”

Jasmine adds quickly, “Well, I mean, obviously she’s into animals. Everyone knows that. But aside from that, I’m not going to comment on her sexuality in any way, shape, or form.”

Still, the buzz about The Animated Life has been positive. And when’s all said and done, Aladdin and Jasmine are grateful for their loyal--if aging--fan base, and for the work that comes their way.

“At least we were in a hit movie,” Aladdin points out. “It’s much worse for, say, the cast of Atlantis: The Lost Empire. Those guys are lucky if they’re asked to open a car wash.”

omgosh, im going to die laughing.
posted by DeAndre' @ 7:13 AM  
3 Put ya thang down flip it and reverse it:
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Name: DeAndre'
Home: Waco, Texas, United States
Who Am I?: This one time I decided that everything in my life would be in musical form. ANd everyone would automatically know the words and the choreography and sing on key. You see how well that turned out.
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