Unfresh.

Nature hates me. How do I know? Because at every opportune moment, She tries to attack me. Whether it is with pollen that I'm allergic to, wasps that I'm allergic to, or ants that I'm allergic to. I think you get the picture; I'm just allergic to nature.

I think I know why, though. Last week or so I was walking and I saw a squirrel perched on the branch of a tree. I had a piece of tree bark in my hand, and so I playfully tossed the bark at him, figuring he would scamper away and collect some more nuts or whatever squirrels do in their free time. Unfortunately this is a Baylor squirrel and was prone to craziness. The bark hit the squirrel dead in between the eyes and it sat there for a second, and then ran around the base of the tree, and glared at me accusingly. This was a week ago, and I thought by now I would be forgiven. I was so wrong.

So I'm walking past Penland today, thinking about Heavenly Voices’(the gospel choir at Baylor) performance on Friday at a local church, and I start to sing softly to myself as I am prone to do, when suddenly I get attacked by a bee. I start hitting myself and basically look like a crazy man and swat my head over and over again. Two girls pass and give me strange looks, then continue walking. The bee finally stops its assault on my ear and I continue on my way to math.

I decide to keep on singing to myself, and as I pass Fountain Mall I get to "...we offer PRAIIIIIIIIISE" and a bug flies straight into my mouth. No lie. I start coughing, trying to spit it out and of course more people walk by me and give me strange looks. As much as I enjoy getting stared at, I figure at this point I should probably not sing anymore lest Mother Nature launch a full scale attack on me, so I just enjoy nature, and life, and the things God has given us to look at. I admire the trees, and their pecans, and because I left super early to do my homework, I have time to watch a squirrel collect some nuts. And I felt really bad about hitting that squirrel last week, so I felt I should pay extra attention to its little squirrel brothers and sisters to repay it for, you know… hitting it in cold blood.

So I get to Sid Richardson, and I am literally steps away from the building when a bee flies into my eye. MY EYE. I begin screaming and trying to expel the angry insect from my head before it can burrow deep into my cornea and cause major internal damage. I’m not entirely positive, but I think that the squirrel was laughing maniacally as I rushed in the building. I run into the bathroom where there's a dude on his cell phone talking to his girl, I guess and he doesn’t notice me at first. I furiously dig into my eye, trying to eradicate the foreign object from my eye, and then douse my pupil with water like the nurse taught me to in the fourth grade. The guy looks at me, does a double take, and then walks out.

I don't know if it came out, but now all I have to show for it is a red eye and some major pain. As a matter of fact, it might still be rolling around behind my eyeball, but hopefully not, because that would be weird. I can see that squirrel now…cackling at my expense. What’s the lesson from all this? Don’t hit squirrels…they will get major comeuppance in the end.