Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Surgery Whomps
It whomps really bad.

I awoke from my drug induced slumber after the operation, and proceeded to beat down 5 or 6 nurses.

Then I uncontrllably shook for aboot 30 minutes.

So I slept through most of my Xmas break. It wasnt that bad...Daytime TV sux tho.

So newayze I am all crutched up, and I have like 13 staples in my knee. I didnt even know they were in there until the doctor refreshened my bandages. I mean, what if I had decided to take an impromptu trip to San Francisco, or The Motherland or something? I wouldn't make it past the metal detectors, and I would've had no idea why. Hmmph.

So, big shout outs to my frienz who came over and watched Nap Dy with me (Napoleon Dynamite, DUH). You helped speed up my recover greatly. You and my good friend Hydrocoedeine.

Sigh, well I'll catch all you groovy cats and kittens on the fipside. L

Lata, Me.
posted by DeAndre' @ 9:37 PM   0 comments

Tuesday, December 21, 2004
MSNBC - Japanese 'lap pillow' offers solace to lonely men
MSNBC - Japanese 'lap pillow' offers solace to lonely men

Hahahaha this is funny....

"TOKYO - Single or lonely Japanese men may get lucky this Christmas.

One popular item for holiday shoppers is the “lap pillow,” with skin-coloured polyurethene calves folded under soft thighs -- a comfy cushion for napping, reading or watching television.

The 9,429 yen ($90) pillow, which comes with one red and one black skirt, went on sale in late November and maker Trane Co Ltd says shipments have reached 3,000 in just a few weeks.

“We created this item to help tired people relax,” said Makoto Igarashi, Trane’s managing director.

Care was taken with details such as the softness of the thighs, panty lines on the pillow’s “backside” and wrinkles in the lap of the skirt so as to make the pillow look and feel as real as possible.

“We thought our main customers would be men in their 20s, but even men in their 60s are buying it,” Igarashi said.

At stores, lap pillows gather crowds where people poke and pry at the foam legs.

“I think this may be good for single men, but it could cause trouble for someone who is married,” said Shingo Shibata, a 27-year-old company employee browsing at a toy store which sells the pillow."

One more thing to add to my Christmas list, lol.

Newayz, I got into BAYLOR!!!!! and University of Maty-Hardin Baylor!!! and Sam Houston State University!!!!

Thats kind of weird. The only 3 places I applied to I got in. I still think its some kind of random practical joke.

So yesterday I went to the mall with my nizzle Brett and shopped aroond. I bought a Napolean Dynamite poster and a cool orange Jesus hat. We had fun and saw Ocean's 12, which I totally didnt get. AT ALL. And yes, I saw the first one. Then I went back to the mall and saw a gaggle of people I know. So I'm having surgery today at 12:00, so thats better than 2:30, cuz that means that I can eat again, bruhuhahahahaha.

So happy Christmas everybody, cuz I may be out of it for a coupla days.

Lata, DeAndre'.
posted by DeAndre' @ 7:10 AM   0 comments

Monday, December 20, 2004
A super cool awesome play thingie I wrote sophomore year for English...I know its long, but indulge me and read it. It is based on "Caeser"
(Outside the first rehearsal for a BAND PRACTICE. It is autumn and the sun is shining.)

Freshman #1 Hey, ya’ll. I’m really happy that we got a new drum major this year.

Freshman #2 Fo’ sho playboy. I’m ready to get crunk on those boys this year. Smiley’s not gon’ embarrass us this year.

Freshman #1 I know that’s right.

Twinkles Hey, what are you freshman talkin’ about? I know you not glad about our new drum major.

Freshman (together) We are.

Twinkles Psssh.

(We cut outside to a few weeks later. It is snowing and the band is practicing.)

Laverne (watching from the bleachers w/ his girlfriend, TRINA) Look at this. Now that I’m the drum major, this band is gon’ be good. We’ll be rackin’ up trophies like no one else.

Trina I know that’s right, baby. Look, here comes Antwone.

Laverne Hey, Slim! How’s my favorite right-hand man, my lead snare drummer?

Antwone Just fine Laverne. How is the most beautiful dancer the ORHS Liberty Belles have ever seen?

Laverne She’s fine except for one thing…

Antwone What?

Laverne She can’t dance to that wack beat that Peter, your 1st chair soloist, keeps putting out.

Trina Hey!

Laverne I’m only speaking the truth!

Trina You don’t have to broadcast it.

Laverne Anyways, at the Band Boot Camp Wars, you know, the big competition that’s coming up in a few weeks? Yeah, I want you to play the solo so my girl can get her groove back.

(TRINA is noticeably angry)
Antwone Are you sure it’s OK with your girl?

Laverne She’ll be fine. Just do it. I’ll arrange everything.

Antwone (looking at his watch) Cool, playa. I gotta go son, you know, business stuff, you understand? Peace out, dawg. (He EXITS)

Laverne Alright, kid.

Trina (angry) I like how you just changed stuff up without askin’ nobody.

Laverne Aww, baby.
(We CUT to the Band Boot Camp Preliminaries. The band has just finished playing some awful song, probably by a BOY BAND)

Freshman #3 Man, this is bootleg!

Sophomore #1 Shoot, you got that right!

Khalil I know!! Everybody else at the Boot Camp played crunk music, like Missy Elliot or 50 cent. We played the Backstreet Boys.

(Twinkles ENTERS)
Twinkles Shoot, I’m sick of this mess. (Random people nod their heads in agreement) I know I’m his cousin but this just isn’t working.

People (murmuring) Mmmhmmm. Somebody need to tell him ‘bout his self. He just ain’t right. I heard that.

(The Band members leave to get their customary after-performance Kook-Aid. Twinkles stays behind as Bebe enters, having already changed into his street clothes.)

Twinkles Hey, Bebe.

Bebe Wassup, Twinkles?

Twinkles (suddenly enthralled with rage) I’m just so sick of Laverne’s mess. That’s why we got to stick together up in here. So what we should do is, after the Semi-Finals of the Band Boot Camp -

Bebe We get to go to the Semis? But we just played so horribly!

Twinkles Last year, back when we were good, we won. As reigning champions, we are guaranteed at least a trip to the Semis. Anyway, as I was saying, after the performance, I’ll take my drumsticks and you take your tuba. Afterwards, we sneak up behind and I’ll shove the drumsticks into his back, and you slam the tuba over his he-

Bebe Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you talking about killing your cousin just because you don’t like the kind of music he makes us play?

Twinkles (very angry) But it was THE BACKSTREET BOYS! I should have been chosen drum major, but nooooo, they had to pick Laverne!

Bebe So this is what it’s all about. You are jealous of Laverne! For shame! I’m out, cuz. I need to think about this for a while.

(He runs OUT with Twinkles following close behind. As they leave, Laverne and Antwone enter, w/ Twinkles accidentally bumping into Laverne on his way out.)

Laverne (to Antwone) You gotta watch out for boys like that. He’s so lean and hungry. He always wants more that what he has. I tell you, with people like my cousin runnin’ around you really got to watch yo’ back.

Antwone I heard that.

(We FADE to BEBE in his dorm room, downloading illegal music from NAPSTER. He is pondering his situation; while unbeknownst to him a dark presence is forming outside his room)

Bebe What should I do? Laverne and I are cool and everything, but-. Gah, I just don’t know. Wait- (he notices a MISSY ELLIOT SONG he was downloading has just been cut off by a user named “ IAMLAVERNEHAHAHA”) That does it! I will help Twinkles kill Laverne and save this band! Even if it kills me!

(He falls asleep. A few minutes later he is awakened by his door being broken and several shrouded figures swarming into the room. While this is happening, the THEME FROM JAWS begins to play ominously in the background)

Bebe Aaaaaaaargh! Who are you? What do you want! Why are you here! And why are you wearing those creepy black robes! And where is that music coming from?

Twinkles Hey, hey, hey, down sailor. To answer your questions, #1, it’s me Twinkles. You know everybody else here. #2 we want you to help us kill Laverne #3, because they’re stylish, and to answer your last question, that music was on when we got here.

(Everyone turns and looks at BEBE’s computer, where the creepy music has been coming from. Twinkles turns it off with a flick of his wrist.)

Bebe Oh.

Twinkles Join us!

Bebe OK, but under four conditions. One, we don’t make a pact. You saw what happened to those kids on “I Know what you Did Last Summer”, a pact got their little butts killed. Anyway, we are Band people. We’re all honorable.

(They all murmur agreement)

Bebe Two, we can’t bring Mr. Cicero into this. It’s just not worth having the Band Director in on this even if he does hate Laverne. And let’s not kill Antwone, too. I think one person’s enough, anyway. There’s not much Antwone can do without Laverne, I mean, it’s not like he has a brain or anything. (they all laugh)
So…. yes, I will join you guys as long as we go by those rules.

Twinkles Sure!

Khalil But there were four conditions. You only said three!

Bebe Oh, yeah. (Remembering when LAVERNE cut off his connection and FAILED the song he was downloading) We break his stupid laptop.

Twinkles Sure.

Bebe Good. (The CONSPIRATORS leave and in comes Bebe’s ditzy girlfriend Stephanie.)

Stephanie Who were all those people in the shrouded cloaks that walked around humming the JAWS THEME?

Bebe Oh, you know baby. Bill Collectors. The man is always on my back.

Stephanie Didn’t look like no bill collectors I ever saw. Are you in trouble?

Bebe No, they were from that new agency of collectors, um, Shrouded Cloak Collection Agency. Their motto is “Pay us or you Die”

Stephanie Baby, stop lyin’. If you don’t tell me stuff, all I am is like, some 2-cent heifer that you just bring home and have no relationship with. Is that all I am?

Bebe No, that’s not all you are.

Stephanie That’s right and I’ll prove it. I just got my hair did this morning, right?

Bebe Yeah, so?

Stephanie (She grabs one of her crochet braids and pulls hard. It comes out. She tosses the braid to him) Now do you see how much I looooove you?

Bebe Girl, that wasn’t even your real hair, I’ll tell you when the time comes.

(The next day it is raining hard. But only around Laverne’s house. Everywhere else it is sunny and dry. Laverne and Trina are eating breakfast)

Trina Baby, I’m telling you, it was horrible, that dream I had. We were on the field, playing “Backstreet’s Back” and all the instruments were spouting blood onto you. And after they finished, they put the blood in Super Soakers and played Water Gun Hide-And-Go Seek. Plus, have you looked outside? It’s not thundering and raining anywhere else but your house. I think that’s a bad sign.

Laverne No, it’s not.

Trina Yes, it is. I don’t think you should go to rehearsal today.

Laverne I guess I won’t, boo. I’m kinda scurred myself. But it’s not like anyone’s trying to kill me or anything, heh, heh.

(Just then, Simian, the Trumpet Section Leader, bangs on the door. Laverne and Trina answer it)

Simian Can a brother get a ride to practice, or what?

Laverne You’ll have to find another ride. I’m not going today.

Simian (panicking because he’s a conspirator) Why not?

Laverne My Boo had a bad dream. (Trina nods as Laverne tells him about the dream)

Simian What? You think that-. Man, all that means is everybody wanna bathe in your blood cuz you so good and stuff. I mean, if you want to let your woman run your life, you can…(he trails off)

Laverne You know what? I think I will go. I mean, they can’t do much without me, right? (Trina glares)

(We cut to rehearsal were Laverne is standing in the bleachers. The CONSPIRATORS come up behind him and brutally stab him with various instruments, flues and oboes and drumsticks)

Laverne Why?? No! (Bebe comes in for a kill shot)
Et tu, Bebe? (Laverne dies. They roll the body under the bleachers next to his broken laptop, which has been broken, literally into millions of pieces.)

Twinkles I have an idea! Let’s put his blood into Super Soakers and play Water Gun Hide-And-Go-Seek! 1-2-3 Not It! (They all agree and start playing, when Antwone comes up.)

Antwone Are you going to kill me? I’ll switch sides.

Everyone No

Antwone Oh, OK. Can I speak at his funeral? I want to switch sides but he was my friend.

Bebe Yes, you may. (Twinkles looks on disapprovingly)

Antwone So…. Let’s play!

(They commence the game and have a great old time. After a while Antwone says he has to go refill his gun and goes back to LAVERNE’S BODY)

Antwone I will avenge your death!

(Outside behind the practice field at the Band Boot Camp, a crowd has gathered wanting to know what has happened. Bebe steps out and says his two-cents.)

Bebe Laverne perished because of his lack of compunction during his stint as drum major. He evoked the absolute worst out of us and the litany of his transgressions would go on forever. I’m commiserating with you here to express pain and sorrow for our loss.

(The crowd, who is mostly ghetto black people who have absolutely no idea of anything he just said decides to go ahead and vote him in as the new drum major. Then Antwone comes in with Laverne’s body and says his speech.)

Antwone He dead ya’ll (eyes beginning to tear) HE DEAD! Aaaargh! And to think, he left ya’ll all this stuff in his will. Solid gold Drumsticks, Silver-plated flutes, such a shame.

Guy In
Crowd Hey!!! Antwone used words we can actually understand! Let’s make him Drum Major and kill the other guys!

Crowd Yeah!

(At this time, an elderly janitor named Khalil the Janitor takes this time to push his cart to the field house and clean up the restrooms)

Khalil The
Janitor How are you chilruns doing today?

Guy What’s your name?

Khalil The
Janitor Why, my name is Khalil. Khalil The-HEY!

(He never gets to finish his next sentence because the crowd attacks. I’ll spare you from the blood and gore, Mrs. Preble or whomever is reading this because it isn’t pretty. While the crowd is dismembering poor Khalil The Janitor, Bebe and Twinkles take this opportunity to escape to The Band Boot Camp Room A)

Antwone Mwuhuhahahahaha! Now that the Band is mine I shall control it with an iron glove! (evil cackle) 6,000 pushups, NOW!

(He goes into the field house with his new right-hand men, Oliver and Levon. They make a hitlist with people’s names on it. Down the street in Band Boot Camp Room A, Bebe and Twinkles are both trying to make a routine that will make Antwone so amazed he will hopefully die, but they are arguing so much, it will never get done.)

Bebe I think we should do it to that song “My Neck, My Back”.

Twinkles I think everyone will agree when I say we should do it to “Down South is Where I Stay”.

Bebe You are just like Laverne! So controlling!

(They look at each other and laugh and everything is forgiven between the two. They begin to talk about everything that went on while the were gone.)

Twinkles Yeah, I had 92 of my best trumpet players fail out at the last second. There was nothing I could do.

Bebe Yeah, things aren’t much better on my end. Stephanie just couldn’t take it and ripped all her braids out. Yeah, now she’s the “before” picture in Rogaine Ads. We should move our Boot Camp Armies forward, to Phillip Street.

Twinkles I don’t know…..

Bebe C’mon, I think that’ll work.

Twinkles OK (they shake hands w/ each other before heading out, thinking that this is the last time they’ll see each other)

(The battle ensues. Watching from afar, Twinkles thinks he sees Bebe captured. Rather than let himself be captured he decides to kill himself and falls on a Poison Tipped Drumstick.)

Twinkles Eh…Eh…Argh!

(Twinkles Dies)

Khalil (Running up and seeing Twinkles dead body)

Twinkles! No! Well, I won’t let them kill me too. Into thine heart it goes Poison Tipped Drumstick! (Plunges into his stomach) Eh…Eh….Argh!

(He Dies)

Bebe No! We are losing! You, there! Simian! Hold this Poison-Tipped Drumstick as I run onto it!(He impales himself upon it) Eh….Eh…..Argh!

(He dies)

Antwone Wait! (Holding Bebe’s limp body) I never meant for it to be this way! (Tear) Oh…Bebe…This was the crunkest tuba player of them all. He never gave up on what was right. He truly is the crunkest one….


posted by DeAndre' @ 4:00 PM   0 comments

Friday, December 17, 2004
Aww el cent de 99 store....
posted by DeAndre' @ 10:20 PM   0 comments

Awwww Yeah
Winter Break, heck YES!

It feels so good to be out of school. I survived finals week, and managed to take only 1 exam.

So, I went to the 99cent store a total of aboot 9 times this week to pick up various things, including (1) some wicked esspresso candy that made me rather hyper (2) A random Spice Girl's video tape for the white elephant thing and (3) a HUGE pair of granny draws that were way weird even for me (they were for the white elephant too)

So every time I go to the store its like THE SAME CASHIER every time and she thinks she knows me but she really doesn't. When I came through with the granny draws this was our dialogue:

(scans the drawers; has to do it several times b/c the UPC is messed up)

Cashier: (frowning) MmmmmHmmmm.
Me: Those aren't for me...
Cashier: MmmmmmmHmmmm.
Me: No really, they are for a white elepahnt gift.
(cashier gives me a look)
Me: Seriously, I don't wear granny panties. Seriously.
Cashier: MmmmmmHmmmm.

So then I come back the next day with Ferro, Barnett, and Mandi to buy Christmas decorations for the theatre party (which, btw, was freakishhly BOOORING) and we got this Jewish wrapping paper, and the SAME FREAKING CASHIER was like:

Cashier: You know this is Jewish wrapping paper, right
(this is what we should have said)

As we were walking in the store, Barnett (btw, in case you didnt know: YOU CANT DRIVE) almost hit these random pedestrians walking in the store. The looked at us all crazy and kept walking, but then Barnett, oh yeah, did I mention you can't drive??? Almost hit them and the woman flicked us off, and I was like "Ooooooh. I'm SCARED", and we cracked up. It was hilarious.

Then the 3rd time, Brett wanted me to go with him, so I did, and he got this calendar called "ABLE BODIES" or something with all these guys in it and various nearly-naked poses for his white elephant, and since I was looking forward to seeing him squirm under the glare of the elderly cashier, I head toward her line, but as we wait in line and get to the front, she's like, "I'm Closed". and I was like, "dang." Then we left.

So then there was the theatre party, which was the biggest waste of my life since watching "Women of Troy". We sat around, looking at each other for most of the evening, with Mr. Prahl saying the most hilarious things...Ms Godwin was curiously absent *cough*probably with Mr Gilseth*cough*. Then Brett, Mandi, Brit, Steph, and I conspired to get the white elephant gifts that we wanted, which really wasn't that hard, so we all came out with cool stuff.

Then, the ABSOLUTE HILIGHT OF THE EVENING, us beating down TWHS in OVERTIME by like 1 point. It was awesome, we made history by being one of the first teams in our schools history to beat the Woodlands in district 5A, excluding, I think, tennis. It was great, we were having a party in the stands. Its great when a group of students come together and unite as one for a commmon goal. We all shared the same pain and victories through out the game.

Then I went to Annie Bellamy's Xmas Partay, and it was really cool. I met some new people (like this random cool kid named Jimmy from TWHS and some crazy little 8th graders from Willis) and hung out with some old friends. And there were some really good brownies, too!

OK guys, post a comment if you want to, if not thats cool. I'm having surgery on Tuesday, so call me on like Wednesday and shower me with love/money. Perferably more of the latter.

Bretts the best - "Down to tha toof"

Music Mood: "Do My Thang", by Immature
posted by DeAndre' @ 10:15 PM   0 comments

Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Exam Week
You know whats the best part about Exam Week??? The fact that I only take ONE real final. Heck yes, life is good. So newayz, ass you all know (or may not know) I was in Pat's play. Yay!!!!(sarcasm). But I wasnt too dissapointed, cuz it was a cool script and Shiree was in it too. (Shiree can make anything better) But then I found out that I'm going to Dallas with Stin and some other folks to tour the Taylor Publishing factory or whatever, the place where they make the yearbooks, the day when the show opens. So, dang, I can't act in the One Acts.

The girl's won their Bball game against them heifers from Conroe. During the game, this one girl (#12) with a really fake ponytail (It was light brown; her hair was black, and you could practically see the track lines) kept going up against Morgan and falling down and getting hurt. Just to give you a visual: Morgan is like 6'4. She was around 5'3. So she would go to shoot and Morgan would slap the ball out of her hand, and I'd be all like "What are you thinking!!!??? She's 8 foot 12!!!!! You're not gonna winn!!!!Give up!" But the little hafa persisted. The next time Morgan killed her when she went to take a shot, #12 exclaimed, "You can't DO THAT!!!!", so, our slogan for the rest of the game was "You can't DO THAT"!!!!

Then, during a time-out, CHS's fat cheerleaders began to cheer.

"CHS is the best, aint no messin round!" all 4 of them yelled halfheartedly as the tried their best to look like they didnt have hangovers.

So while they were cheering, we all started going,


and the heifers shut up.
And then we won HA!

posted by DeAndre' @ 4:06 PM   0 comments

Sunday, December 12, 2004
Being nice isn't easy...
But I guess I'll try. In the spirit of Christmas, I guess I'll try my hardest to be nice to everyone. Yes, even that person whom i really strongly dislike, (most people know who Im talking aboot) I will try to be civil to them and not talk about them behind their backs and such.
That's right, me DeAndre', who was voted friendliest and all that junk has people whom he secretly (and publicly) dislikes...


This is gonna be sooooo hard.
posted by DeAndre' @ 7:30 PM   0 comments

Thursday, December 09, 2004
"God" pics
posted by DeAndre' @ 3:05 PM   0 comments

"God" pics
posted by DeAndre' @ 3:05 PM   0 comments

The supercool cast of GOD....Bring back memories, anyone?
posted by DeAndre' @ 3:02 PM   0 comments

This is what was under our table....ew...grossssss (the guy in the yellow shirt is me, and the guy in the "Charmin" shirt who is squished against the wall is Brett. Side Note: We came back to Friday's for another 'aftershow" meal like 4 weeks later, and that thing hanging was still there. Ew.
posted by DeAndre' @ 2:58 PM   0 comments

Hmmm....... Brett and Mandi do you remember this picture from T.G.I. Friday's (Theatre Capital of the World) ???????? P.S. Brett nice fake tan
posted by DeAndre' @ 2:50 PM   1 comments

Monday, December 06, 2004
Hey everybody
Whazzup yall, its me just checking in and sayin heyyy!!! To the person who posted a message and is amanda, I'm terribly sorry, but I know like 36 1/2 amanda's and im not quite entirely sure which one you are, so please, post and leave your last name por favor!!!

Ok this is about Mandi. What do i say about Mandi??? She is Mexican.....We were in like 3 shows together...Charlotte's Web and El Diario de Anne Frank...ok thats like two, and she's dating/not dating the awesomest person I know...and thats all.


I am having surgery on my knee on the 21st. i am sure it will suck in the most royally sucky way. Ill be on crutches for aboot 6 weeks, so wave at me and say "Hey GIMP!!!!"

I hope I'm in Brett's play....If I'm in anyone else's....I WILL KILL THEm...ok, j/k, but I hope in Mr. Houston's.


posted by DeAndre' @ 7:23 PM   3 comments

Girl's should respect us too....
Why is it that girl's get angry when you leave the toliet seat up? What do they do, walk in backwards and go, "I know this toliet seat better be down as I blindly try to pee!!!" Come to think of it, why should we even have to? Couldn't one argue that they should put it up for us?

Jessica smells.
posted by DeAndre' @ 3:37 PM   0 comments

Sunday, December 05, 2004
You Know What Would Suck?
What if your toliet came to life and tried getting back at you by doing to you what you do to it?

That would suck.
posted by DeAndre' @ 3:20 PM   1 comments

Thursday, December 02, 2004
Ferro, Barnett, and Courtz - YOU ARE MEAN
OK, picture this.

You are fasting because of a tradition. You're church is having its annual Gospel Choir Concert, and the tradition is that all the members fast the Thursday before the concert, to be "unified".

So, what do you do, as a loving friend?

Support him in his hour of need/hungriness?

Or, if you are FERRO BARNETT OR COURTZ, you

Order pizza during fifth period and rub it in his face?

I will get my revenge.

posted by DeAndre' @ 6:54 PM   0 comments

Friendships a funny thing.
Its so weird, when you think about it. Your circle of friends. They might be the most unlikely people ever, but theres something about them that makes them likeable to you. Its so crazy, because, when you evaluate your life (mentally) and you think, "What kind of friends should I have?", you'll probably way off. Or maybe I'm just weird. I mean, I'm 6'5, and one of my best friends (yes you Dallas-man) was a barely 5'3 skinny white boy. Who liked to race cars. And frequently sported a bright green neon cast as the result of many of his crazy white kid excapades. And now we have Brett.....hmmmm, what do we say about Brett? I dunno, (especially since he never gets online, the stoopid loser) but its weird. I've realized I have absolutely nothing in common with some of my friends. And this is coming form someone who has friends all over the school. Academy nerds, theatre geeks, hypersexual band freaks, football meatheads, those random potheads (I didnt know they were potheads when I met them, but....eh, thats another story), and anyone else who has time to listen to my less-than-intellegint (see, I'm pretty sure I just spelled that word wrong) babblings. Meh. Sometimes you just cant pick your friends, no matter how much you want to.
posted by DeAndre' @ 6:48 PM   0 comments

Wednesday, December 01, 2004
My finished review for the school Newspaper
Destiny's Child went back to the recording studio for their latest album, "Destiny Fulfilled". After a three year hiatus, the group has reunited despite rumours of its demise. The eagerly anticipated album offers more of the same of what Destiny's Child has given us in albums past which is, depending on how you look at it, good or bad; Beyonce featuring Kelly, with very little Michelle. The CD has several memorable songs, but unfortunately, just as many unmemeorable ones.
The 11 track album starts out strong, with the drum-cadenced filled dance anthem "Lose My Breath", produced by hit maker Rodney Jerkins. After this top 10 hit, the album begins to falter. The next track is "Soldier" featuring T.I. and Lil' Wayne, co-produced by Rich Harrison, who's work on Beyonce's solo effort, "Crazy In Love" helped to propel it to # 1 on the charts. "If your status ain't hood/I aint checkin' for ya/ Gotta be street if ya lookin' at me/ I need a Soldier", the ladies sing sassily to any men listneng who might have the nerve to even try and be polite to them. "(I need) a rude boy that's good to me/ wit street credibillity", Kelly sings, pleading for a "soldier".
The album continues on its ever-quickening descent into the dregs with the next track, "Cater 2 U", quite possibly the song that will set the Women's Liberation Movement back 30 years. In this Rodney Jerkins produced song, the trio pledges undying servitude to their men. Throughout the bland ballad, the ladies promise to serve their men in any way, including (but not limited to): feeding them, running bathwater, and giving a manicure and footrub. Kelly furthur emphasizes her love by singing that she will "keep her hair fixed", "keep rocking the hottest outfits" and that "when you come home late (just) tap me on my shoulder/ I'll roll over". In between DC's last album "Survivor" and this one, they somehow went from being "Independent Women" to Stepford Wives, seemingly trying to imitate the success of other hip-hop "badgirls" (like Lil' Kim, Khia, and Ciara).
The album continues to further fail listener's expectations with the sex-inspired "T-Shirt", a song about how great it is to wear your boyfriend's T-Shirt. The song starts out with Beyonce trying as hard as possible to flush any reputation as a Gospel singer that she ever had down the drain. She begins, "...Hey baby, I wish you can see what I have on right now/...imagine how intense it would be/...to hold me right now". One has to wonder, how does Michelle (the newset member of the group, who has released two Gospel albums), feels about singing, "Boy I been waiting/ Now my body's shaking/ You're so deep/...take it easy".
The album stumbles through several more tracks, including the emotional but lackluster "Girl", and the mediocore, bubble-gum sounding "Bad Habit". The album's only redeeming quality is the pleading, catchy, piano-infused "Through With Love", easily the best feature on the recording. "I've given so much in the past/ For a love I never had/ I'm through with it through with it (love)/ I'm finally givin' it up" The trio croons, showing tremendous vocal range and quality. With "Destiny Fulfilled", the R&B trio tries to appeal to a more urban/hip-hop audience, but unfortunatley, it doesn't work, instead they come off looking (and sounding) like 14 year olds caught playing dressup with their grandmother's clothes - foolish.
The album was recorded in only 3 weeks, and it looks as if this lackluster group effort is only a segue to a solo album (Beyonce's). The only saving grace throughout this entire CD is the fact that these girls can actually sing.While the album shows some personal growth on behalf of the group, they fail their listeners by changing their persona too radically. What ever happened to the Destiny's Child who wore army clothes and sang songs about "surviving", their "emotions" and being "bootylicious"? Perhaps DC should return to what they know best, because "Destiny Fufilled" just doesn't make the cut.

-DeAndre' Upshaw, Guest Writer
posted by DeAndre' @ 8:06 PM   0 comments

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Name: DeAndre'
Home: Waco, Texas, United States
Who Am I?: This one time I decided that everything in my life would be in musical form. ANd everyone would automatically know the words and the choreography and sing on key. You see how well that turned out.
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